I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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