i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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