If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The best revenge is premature balding
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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