whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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