The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
