Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
