i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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