Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
