Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
