What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
