loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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