sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
