Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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