see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
