The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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