One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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