I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
