im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
