I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
vagina is talking i cant
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
