omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
