Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
