need another drink. this is the easiest way
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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