You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
