Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
