Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
