Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize