I got chris browned last night
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
