Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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