Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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