You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
