the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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