I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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