i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
