I think I died a long time ago.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
