IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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