Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
