To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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