Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize