I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
