I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize