Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
