if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
