so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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