He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
