Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
