Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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