3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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