I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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