I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
