We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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